What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
