youre lurking in front of me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
