Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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