look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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