she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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