Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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