Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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