The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
