That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
