Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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