I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
