I think my fart just growled at me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
