I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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