Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
