So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He has the fingertips of a God
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