I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
