no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
