Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am available for nakedness
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
