maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
