I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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