Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
