No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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