she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
