a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
