when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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