this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
