Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
