It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
