white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
