whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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