there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
