A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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