I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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