i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
