O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
