I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
