I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
