Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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