How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
