I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
my poor anus
Randomize
