I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
