my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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