how hairy? two words: wookie tits
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
