I've blown a few things in my day
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
