That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
