He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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