Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
