I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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