Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
