Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
