i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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