He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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