i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
