happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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