Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
