If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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