That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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